I examine all the women who aren’t needy whores.
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I see my reflection and hear their affirmations,
and start to think that maybe I’m no needy whore myself,
until I fear these women are just whores like me-
My lies loved yours.
Our scars and alter egos danced,
and your ghost rolled over, straddling mine.
I found a shield in a linguistic sword;Read More »
You primal man!
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You human being!
With twitching groin and heated breathing
misting as a waterfall out onto heaving neck.
One of millions staying home,
desiring food and craving sex.
I know that his relations were projections of my own perversions,
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that her assessments were figments of my own imagination.
I know I needed to scream, “No,” at all given moments,
and that hoops to jump through were black and white though changing every day.
I know that boys own the language, and smiles mean, “Come hither,”
that eye contact means, “I promise,” and that what I mean means nothing.
I know my words are confusing, my affection is toxic,
my friendship seducing, and that my heart is destructive.
I know that they can’t help their love, and that on connection, I should give up
and wrap my strengths and eyelashes in something wet and cold.
But I know that he moved on
without me making him respect his own boundaries, which were never my own.
I knew I was never responsible for what I couldn’t do.
You’re walking on eggshells, and everything you do to try to make it better backfires,
since some people don’t want to be satisfied.
Vindictive vendettas taken out on you,
like some people need something to be mean to,
and if they see you as a person, you can’t be their thing,
so they call you a problem and use you for their pain,
when their hate is their own fault,
and there’s nothing you can do
to make someone understand what they choose not to-Read More »
You called like a god, celebrity
or college freshman,
so I put my Nair down, wrapped a towel around my shame,
glued my wet ear to the fragile phone, said hello
instead of, “Why me?” and let you worship, effuse like I
was way more than the wallpaper at my brother’s parties.
I’d been the entertainment once, back before the parties-
whispering nicknames and manipulations, like a kid sister alone can.
That was back before you, drivers licenses,
meet ups. But you were not before forsaken plans,Read More »
How does he love you? He counted the ways,
but I don’t know many ways to say
to you, “Love me.”
“…love me, say that you love me…”
Come back to-
Come to me for first of times.
Well, you can stop not loving me now…
Can stop doing all of the things that you do!
Not paying attention, not first tuning in.
To not respond. Not care. Not like.
Never be curious. Never look up.
Not see. Not ask. Not tell. Not try.
Anyone! More, you only ones- I don’t think that this hope will die.
Oh, but I trust that this dream would dim,
if I would rest
and turn out your light.
Lock your irises up and to the right,
summoning mine. Let your side stand square,
your hips too scared. Stare these pupils,
sheltered by my arched brows, down. I can barely see
you through your eyes’ fear. But I know better than
to call such your name, bold challenger, chasing the guards
from the gate of your soul, welcoming my power to
assume your worth, envisioning yourself to be embracing my heart-
heart you shrouded, mistook for my mere humanity.
If you had wanted to learn how to smile,
I could have taught.
If you had no longer wanted to hide,
I would have found.
You cover up and run,
break to make yourself back up
into some distortion
like any evil thing would beRead More »
Child of the dark, given a magic prayer and some commands,
who picked up confusion, legalism on the way,
trying not to doubt their magical prayer,
wondering why it won’t prompt the ways they said you’d change.
Afraid to trust, forbidden to not,
unsafe on either plane,
child of fear’s of hopelessness, and as such, of shame.Read More »